Greek Village Cafe

H u m o u r

If you have any good jokes that you'd like to share with our Cafe mates,
drop us a line at humour@greekvillage.com.


Giati oi pondioi kanoun genethlia mono stous gious tous kai ohi stiz kores tous?
Giati to tragouthi leei: "Happy Birthday tou giou"

MEN & WOMEN
Λέει ο παππούς στον εγγονό
-Θέλω να μου βρεις Viagra. Για κάθε χάπι εγώ θα σου αφήνω ένα πεντοχίλιαρο κάτω από το μαξιλάρι σου.
Πάει λοιπόν ο εγγονός, βρίσκει ένα Viagra και το δίνει στον παππού.
Την επόμενη μέρα κοιτάει κάτω από το μαξιλάρι και βλέπει ότι ήταν τίγκα στο πεντοχίλιαρο. Τα μετράει, βλέπει ότι είναι 55 χιλιάδες και σκέφτεται ότι ο παππούς τα'χασε από τη χαρά του και σκορπάει τη σύνταξη.
Πάει λοιπόν, τον βρίσκει και του λέει
-Αφού ρε παππού είπαμε ένα πεντοχίλιαρο για κάθε χάπι, τί ήταν αυτό που έκανες;
-Κοίταξε, λέει ο παππούς, εγώ ένα πεντοχίλιαρο σου άφησα, τα υπόλοιπα είναι της γιαγιάς σου...

The Battle: A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

HEAVENLY REFERENCES
Three married couples, one Jewish, one Irish, and one Greek, all die on the same day and arrive at the gates of Heaven.
St. Peter asks the Jewish man why he deserves to be in Heaven. He replies, "I've been a pious Jew all my life, I attended synagogue every Saturday, and I raised a lot of money for Jewish causes."
"And what is your wife's name?" St. Peter asks.
"Penny," the man replies.
"Penny?!!" shouts St. Peter. "You Jews are all alike. Money, money, money. You even married a woman whose name has to do with money! Get out of my sight! You are damned to Hell!"

Then St. Peter asks the Irishman why he deserves to be in Heaven. "I've been a devout Catholic throughout my life, attended church every Sunday, and always gave generously to the collection plate."
"And what's your wife's name?" St. Peter asks.
"Brandy," the Irishman replies.
"Brandy?!! You Irish are all alike. Drink, drink, drink. You even married a woman whose name is a type of alcohol. Get out of my sight! You are damned to Hell!"

With that, the Greek guy turns to his wife and says,
"Fanny, I think we have a problem..."

GOODBY DADDY

A father put his three year old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers - which she ended by saying "God bless mommy, God bless daddy, God bless grandma, and good-bye grandpa."
The father said, "Why did you say good-bye grandpa?" The little girl said "I don't know daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do."
The next day grandpa died. Father thought it was a strange coincidence. A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers,which went like this - "God bless mommy, God bless daddy and good-bye grandma. Next day the grandmother died.
My gosh, thought the father, this kid is in contact with the other side.
Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard her say "God bless mommy and good-bye daddy."
He practically went into shock. Couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office. He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch sent in and watched the clock. He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be OK. He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch and jumping at every sound. Finally midnight arrived, he breathed a sigh of relief and went home.
When he got home his wife said "I've never seen you work so late, what's the matter?" He said "I don't want to talk about it, I've just spent the worst day of my life."
She said "You think you had a bad day, you'll never believe what happened to me. This morning the mailman dropped dead on our porch."

FINAL EXAM

It was the final examination for an introductory English course at the local university. The examination was two hours long, and exam booklets were provided. The professor was very strict and told the class that any exam that was not on his desk in exactly two hours would not be accepted and the student would fail. A half hour into the exam, a student came rushing in and asked the professor for an exam booklet.
"You're not going to have time to finish this," the professor stated sarcastically as he handed the student a booklet.
"Yes I will," replied the student. He then took a seat and began writing. After two hours, the professor called for the exams, and the students filed up and handed them in. All except the late student, who continued writing. A half hour later, the last student came up to the professor who was sitting at his desk preparing for his next class. He attempted to put his exam on the stack of exam booklets already there.
"No you don't, I'm not going to accept that. It's late." The student looked incredulous and angry.
"Do you know WHO I am?"
"No, as a matter of fact I don't," replied the professor.
"DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?" the student asked again.
"No, and I don't care." replied the professor with an air of superiority.
"Good," replied the student, who quickly lifted the stack of completed exams, stuffed his in the middle, and walked out of the room.

Actual Label Instructions on consumer goods:

On Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)

On a bag of Fritos:You could be a winner! No purchase necessary.
Details inside. (The shoplifter special!)

On a hotel provided shower cap in a box: Fits one head.
(really?)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
Do not turn upside down. (Too late! You lose!)

On Boot's Children's cough medicine: Do not drive car or operate machinery.
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction incidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.)

On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights: For indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed to use in outer space?)

On a Japanese food processor: Not to be used for the other use.
(Now I'm curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts: Warning: contains nuts.
(but no peas?)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
(have a lobotomy)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: Product will be hot after heating.
(Are you sure???Let's experiment.)

On Nytol sleep aid: Warning: may cause drowsiness.
(One would hope!)

You know you are Greek if...


One day a little boy and a little girl were arguing over who had what.
I have new rollerskates the boy would say. So do I said the girl.
I have a new bike said the girl. So do I said the little boy.
I have something you don't have said the little boy and opened the front of his pants.
The girl knowing she didn't have one ran home crying. When her sister asked her why she was crying she told her.
The sister then whispered something into the little girl's ear that made her happy.
The next day when the little boy saw her he said I got something you don't got, I got something you don't got.
The little girl says so what and lifts up her dress and says
I've got one of these, and with one of these you can get as many of those things as you want.


Steve was in a terrible accident at work. Oddly, however, the only permanent damage done to him was that both of his ears were amputated....But, because he was permanently disfigured, he settled with the company for a rather large sum of money and went on his way....

One day, Steve decided to invest his money in a small, but growing computer business. And, after weeks of negotiations, he bought the company outright.

But, after signing on the dotted line, he realized that he knew nothing about running such a business and quickly set out to hire someone who could do that for him.

The next day he had set up three interviews.

The first guy was great. He knew everything he needed to and was very interesting. But at the end of the interview, Steve asked him, "Do you notice anything different about me?" And the gentleman answered, "Why yes. I couldn't help but notice you have no ears." Steve got very angry and threw him out....

The second interview was with a woman, and she was even better than the first guy. But he asked her the same question, "Do you notice anything different about me?" And she replied: Well, you have no ears. Steve again was upset and tossed her out.

The third and last interview was the best of all three. It was with a very young man who was fresh out of college. He was smart. He was handsome. And he seemed to be a better businessman than the first two put together. Steve was anxious, but went ahead and asked the young man the same question: Do you notice anything different about me? And to his surprise, the young man answered: Yes. You wear contact lenses....

Steve was shocked, and said, "What an incredibly observant young man. How in the world did you know that?" The young man fell off his chair laughing hysterically and replied, "Well, it's pretty hard to wear glasses with no fucking ears!"


Glossary of PCMessages...

It says: "Fatal Error. Please contact technical support quoting error no. 1A4-2546512430E" It means: "... where you will be kept on hold for 10 minutes, only to be told that it's a hardware problem."

It says: "Cannot read from drive D:...." It means: "... However, if you put the CD in right side up..."

It says: "Directory does not exist...." It means: ".... any more. Whoops."

It says: "The application caused an error. Choose Ignore or Close." It means: "....Makes no difference to me, you're still not getting your work back."

These individual quotes were reportedly taken from actual employee performance evaluations. You may want to consider using them for someone you work with ... tee hee hee!

(1) "He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle."
(2) "He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them."
(3) "This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts, the better."
(4) "He certainly takes a long time to make his pointless."
(5) "He has a knack for making strangers immediately."
(6) "A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on."
(7) "Donated his brain to science before he was done using it."
(8) "If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change."
(9) "It's hard to believe that he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm."

Submitted by Daphne Papa, papa1@spidernet.com.cy

Memo to All Personnel

Head office has defined a lower cost alternative to Windows NT conversions that also addresses the Y2K (Year 2000) issue. The goal is to remove all computers from the desktop by January 1, 1999. Instead, everyone will be provided with an Etch-A-Sketch.

There are many sound reasons for doing this:
1. No Y2K problems.
2. No technical glitches keeping work from being done.
3. No more wasted time reading and writing e-mails.

Frequently Asked Questions from the Etch-A-Sketch Help Desk
Q: My Etch-A-Sketch has all of these funny little lines all over the screen.
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: How do I turn my Etch-A-Sketch off?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: What's the shortcut for Undo?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: How do I create a New Document window?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: What is the proper procedure for rebooting my Etch-A-Sketch?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: How do I delete a document on my Etch-A-Sketch?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: How do I save my Etch-A-Sketch document?
A: Don't shake it.

After a few years of married life, a man finds that he is unable to perform. He goes to his doctor, and his doctor tries a few things but nothing works. Finally the doctor says to him, "This is all in your mind." and refers him to a psychiatrist.

After a few visits to the shrink, he confesses, "I am at a loss as to how you could possibly be cured." Finally the psychiatrist refers him to a witch doctor. The witch doctor says, "I can cure this." He throws some powder on a flame, and there is a flash with billowing blue smoke. The witch doctor says, "This is powerful healing, but you can only use it once a year! All you have to do is say `123` and it shall rise for as long as you wish!"

The guy then asks the witch doctor "What happens when it`s over?" The witch doctor says "All you or your partner has to say is `1234` and it will go down. But be warned; it will not work again for a year!"

The guy goes home and that night he is ready to surprise his wife with the good news. So, he is lying in bed with her and says "123", and suddenly he gets an erection. His wife turns over and says "What did you say `123` for?"

We couldn't resist just one Clinton joke...
President Clinton and the Pope died on the same day, and due to an administrative foul up, Clinton was sent to heaven and the Pope was sent to hell. The Pope explained the situation to the devil, he checked out all of the paperwork, and the error was acknowledged. The Pope was told, however, that it would take about 24 hours to fix the problem and correct the error. The next day, the Pope was called in and the devil said his good-bye as he went off to heaven. On his way up, he met Clinton who was on his way down, and they stop to chat.
Pope: Sorry about the mix up.
President Clinton: No problem.
Pope: Well, I'm really excited about going to heaven.
President Clinton : Why's that?
Pope: All my life I've wanted to meet the virgin Mary.
President Clinton: You're a day late.

The following are new system messages that are under consideration for the planned Windows 2000:

Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.
Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue.
Press any key to continue or any other key to quit.
Press any key except... no, No, NO, NOT THAT ONE!
Press Ctrl-Alt-Del now for IQ test.
Close your eyes and press Escape three times.
This will end your Windows session. Do you want to play another game?
Windows message: "Error saving file! Format drive now? (Y/Y)"
This is a message from God Gates: "Rebooting the world. Please log off."
To shut down your system, type "WIN."
BREAKFAST.SYS halted... Cereal port not responding.
COFFEE.SYS missing... Insert cup in cup holder and press any key.
File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
Bad or missing mouse. Spank the cat? (Y/N)
Runtime Error 6D at 417A:32CF: Incompetent User.
Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N)
WinErr 16547: LPT1 not found. Use backup PENCIL_PAPER.SYS
User Error: Replace user.
Windows VirusScan 1.0 - "Windows found: Remove it? (Y/N)"
Your hard drive has been scanned and all stolen software titles have been deleted. The police are on the way.

Demetri and Maria live in a little village in Cyprus, they are getting on in years and are devoted to each other. One day Demetri feels unwell and just before nightfall, for the last time, he tells Maria how much he loves her and, with a soft sigh, he dies.
Maria is heartbroken but the priest tells her "He was a good man and you can be sure he has gone to heaven".
Some time passes and Maria misses Demetri and wonders how he is getting on in heaven, so she takes the village taxi to Nicosia and she visits a medium.
"Can you get in touch with my Demetri?" she asks.
"Of course" says the medium and, spreading her hands on the table, she gently calls "Are you there, Demetri?" Nothing. "Are you there, Demetri?"
"He's coming through", she tells Maria, "Now you can speak to him yourself".
"Hello, Demetri mou, are you happy wher you are?"
"Hello, Maria, I am very happy", says Demetri "This is a wonderful, wonderful place".
"But what do you do all day?" asks Maria.
"Well", says Demetri "For breakfast I have salad and then I have sex All morning. Then for lunch I have salad and I have sex all afternoon. Then for dinner I have salad and then I have sex all night!!"
"But Demetri, I thought heaven was a holy place?"
"Who said anything about heaven?", replied Demetri, "I'm a rabbit up on Troodos!!!!".

Submitted by Daphne Papa, papa1@spidernet.com.cy

A fellow decides to take off early from work and go drinking. He stays until the bar closes at 2 a.m., at which time he is extremely drunk. When he enters his house, he doesn't want to wake anyone, so he takes off his shoes and starts tip-toeing up the stairs. Half-way up the stairs, he falls over backwards and lands flat on his rear end. That wouldn't have been so bad, except that he had couple of empty pint bottles in his back pockets, and they broke, and the broken glass carved up his buttocks terribly. But, he was so drunk that he didn't know he was hurt.
A few minutes later, as he was undressing, he noticed blood, so he checked himself out in the mirror, and, sure enough, his behind was cut up something terrible. Well, he repaired the damage as best he could under the circumstances, and he went to bed.

The next morning, his head was hurting, and his rear was hurting, and he was hunkering under the covers trying to think up some good story, when his wife came into the bedroom.

"Well, you really tied one on last night," she said. "Where'd you go?"
"I worked late," he said, "and I stopped off for a couple of beers."
"A couple of beers? That's a laugh," she replied. "You got plastered last night. Where the heck did you go?"
"What makes you so sure I got drunk last night, anyway?"
"Well," she replied, "my first big clue was when I got up this morning and found a bunch of Band-Aids stuck to the mirror."

In an ancient monastery in a faraway place, a new monk arrived to join his brothers in copying books and scrolls in the monastery's scriptorium. He was assigned as a rubricator on copies of books that had already been copied by hand. One day, he asked Father Florian (the Armarius of the Scriptorium), "Does not the copying by hand of other copies allow for chances of error? How do we know we are not copying the mistakes of someone else? Are they ever checked against the original?"

Fr. Florian is set back a bit by the obvious logical observation of this youthful monk. "A very good point, my son. I will take one of the latest books down to the vault and compare it against the original."

Fr. Florian went down to the secured vault and began his verification. After a day had passed, the monks began to worry and went down looking for the old priest. They were sure something must have happened. As they approached the vault, they heard sobbing and crying. When they opened the door, they found Fr. Florian sobbing over the new copy and the original ancient book, both of which opened before him on the table. It was obvious to all that the poor man had been crying his old heart out for a long time.

"What is the problem, Reverend Father?" asked one of the monks.

"Oh, my Lord," sobbed the priest, "the word is 'celebrate'!"

An award should go to the gate agent in Denver for being smart and funny, and making her point, when confronted with a passenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo:

A crowded flight was canceled. A single agent was rebooking a long line of inconvenienced travelers. Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said, "I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS."

The agent replied, "I'm sorry sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these folks first, and I'm sure we'll be able to work something out." The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, "Do you have any idea who I am?"

Without hesitating, the gate agent smiled and grabbed her public address microphone. "May I have your attention please?" she began, her voice bellowing throughout the terminal. "We have a passenger here at the gate WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to the gate."

The man glared at the agent, gritted his teeth and swore, "F*** you."

Without flinching, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to stand in line for that, too."

Adam was walking around the Garden of Eden feeling very lonely, so God asked him, "What is wrong with you?" Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to. God said he was going to give him a companion and it would be a woman. He said, "This person will cook for you and wash your clothes, she will always agree with every decision you make. She will bear you children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them. She will not nag you, and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement. She will never have a headache, and will freely give you love and compassion whenever needed. Adam asked God, "What will a woman like this cost?" God said, "An arm and a leg." Adam said "What can I get for just a rib?" The rest is history.

A missionary who had spent years showing a tribe of natives how to farm and build things gets word that he is to return home. He realizes that the one thing he never taught the natives was how to speak English, so he takes the chief and starts walking in the forest.

He points to a tree and says to the chief, "This is a tree." The chief looks at the tree and says, "Tree." The missionary is pleased with the response.

They walk a little farther and the Padre points to a rock and says, "This is a rock." Hearing this, the chief looks and says, "Rock."

The Padre is really getting enthusiastic about the results when he hears a rustling in the bushes. As he peeks over the top, he sees a couple in the midst of heavy romantic activity. The Padre is really flustered and quickly responds, "Riding a bike." The chief looks at the couple briefly, pulls out his blow gun, and kills them. The Padre goes ballistic and yells at the chief that he has spent years teaching the tribe how to be civilized and kind to each other, so how could he just kill these people in cold blood that way?

The chief replied, "My bike."

Htane loipon dyo trelloi kai toys erxetai h idea na pai3oun podosfairo.
Leei loipon o enas:
- Egw 8a kanw tous 22 podosfairistes kai esy, leei ston allon, kane touw 30000 fila8lous.
Pragmati, anebainei o enas sthn kerkida kai o allos arxizei tis mpalies.
Kanei ena katebasma kataplhktiko kai bazei monos tou gkol. Trexei loipon panhgyrizwntas pros thn kerkida kai arxizei na kanei tis gnwstes kai anh8ikes kinhseis. Tote o allos trllos pou htan sthn kerkida pianei ena mpoukali coca cola, toy to petaei, kai toy anoigei to kefali...
- Kala toy leei, 22 podosfairistes emena petyxes;
Kai apantaei o allos apo thn kerkida:
- 30000 kosmos, egw sto eri3a;

An old yayia was struggling through an airport, carrying her heavy luggage filled with xilopites and traxana on her way to catch her plane. Suddenly, out of nowhere Arnold Schwarzeneggar approached the old woman and said "as ti valitsa, baby!", offering his help to carry her luggage.

Submitted by Nick Nikitopoulos, nickpops@idirect.com

A mathematician, an accountant and an economist apply for the same job.

The interviewer calls in the mathematician and asks "What do two plus two equal?" The mathemetician replies "Four." The interviewer asks "Four, exactly?" The mathematician looks at the interviewer incredulously and says "Yes, four, exactly."

Then the interviewer calls in the accountant and asks the same question "What do two plus two equal?" The accountant says "On average, four - give or take ten percent, but on average, four."

Then the interviewer calls in the economist and poses the same question "What do two plus two equal?" The economist gets up, locks the door, closes the shade, sits down next to the interviewer and says "What do you want it to equal?"

A man went to the Doctor and the doctor told him he had only 24 hours to live. He goes home to tell his wife and after they both had a long cry over it, he asked her if she would have sex with him because he only had 24 hours to live.
"Of course Darling." she replied. And so they have sex.
Four hours later they are lying in bed and he turns to her again, and says, "you know I only have 20 hours to live, do you think we could do it again?" Again she responds very sympathetically and agrees to have sex.
Another 8 hours pass, and she had fallen asleep from exhaustion, he taps her on the shoulder, and asks her again, "You know dear, I only have 12 more hours left, how about again for old times sake?" By this time she is getting a little annoyed, but reluctantly agrees.
After they finish she goes back to sleep and 4 hours later, he taps her on the shoulder again and says, "Dear, I hate to keep bothering you but you know I only have 8 hours left before I die, can we do it one more time?"
Well, she turns to him with a grimaced look on her face and says, "You know ... you don't have to get up in the morning. I do!!!"

A young lad, about 14 years old has been absolutely crazy about tractors. He has read books about them, covered his room in posters and visited every country fair he could get to.

One evening he comes home from school, goes to his room and after a while comes downstairs with his arms full of books and posters. "What are you doing,son?", asks his mother. "I'm fed up with tractors", he explains, "I'm into The Spice Girls Now". "Oh well! He's growing up", thought his mother.

A few weeks later the lad is coming home from school when he sees smoke coming out of a house down the road. He runs to the house and outside is a distraught woman. "My baby is in there!"she sreams. "Don't worry, I'll get your baby out." shouts the lad and dives into the flames and the billowing black smoke. After a few seconds he runs out of the house with the baby in his arms . "There you are he says, the baby is O.K." "How did you manage in all that smoke, you're not even coughing?" asked the delighted mother. "It's nothing," replied the lad, "Smoke doesn't worry me, I'm an ex-tractor fan!!!!"

Submitted by D. Papa, papa1@spidernet.com.cy

A guy goes out and buys Ferrari GTO. It's the most expensive car in the world. He takes it for a spin and while stopped for a red light, an old man on a moped pulls up next to him. "What kind of car ya got there, sonny?"
"Ferrari GTO--costs a half million."
"Damn. How come so much?"
"This baby can do 190 miles an hour!"
"Can I look inside?"
"Sure!"
So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around. "That's a pretty nice car, all right!"
Just then the light changes so the guy decides to show the old man what his car can do. He floors it, and within 30 seconds the speedometer reads 190. Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rearview mirror. It seems to be getting closer! He slows down and whhhoooossshhh, something whips by him going much faster. Then, ahead of him he sees a dot coming toward him. Whooooosh, it goes by again, heading the opposite direction "No way! It can't be the old man!" Again he sees a dot in his rear view mirror. Whooooosh!! It slams into the back of his car. The guy jumps out and it really is the old man!
The guy runs over to the old man and says, "You're badly hurt! Is there anything I can do for you?"
The old man moans and replies, "Yes. Unhook my suspenders from your side-view mirror!"

There was a Greek and a Chinese archaeologist, discussing and boasting about their own past civilizations and which was the best.
After the usual statements like, the Chinese were the first to discovered gun powder to blow other peoples brains out, with the Greek's response being that the Greeks were the first philosophers to discover that they have a brain and they learnt how to think & use it, they both started running out of ideas.
The Chinese suddenly thought and responded, that they had just unearthed a major excavation of the Ming Wing Ying Ding Sing Bing dynasty of year 2511BC and guess what, after digging 200 feet they discovered telecommunication cabling through out the entire empire. This dynasty was so advanced that the current Chinese Telecommunication system is now based on the cables used in this find.
Wow Amazing said the Greek but that still light years behind the early Greeks technology.
Light years behind said the Chinese, in what way?
Well said the Greek, over ten years ago we excavated in a 3500 year Athens ruin, down 500 feet and guess what we found. Nothing yes nothing absolutely nothing no cables no underground system or tunnels nor any old and archaic cables, which proves we were so advanced.
So responded the Chinese, you found nothing so what.
Yes that's right said the Greek, it proves that we Greeks were so advanced back then that we were the first to have wireless technology and a mobile phone network. What's in use in Athens today is the same technology that was used back then, absolutely nothing.

Submitted by M Hatz, melhatz@tig.com.au

-Pws belazei ena fusiologiko probato;
-Mpeeeee...

-Pws belazei ena amerikaniko probato;
-Mpeeeee man!

-Pws belazei ena aristokratiko probato;
-Mpeeeee em beeeee...

Htan o Totos kai n Mairoula.
Leei h Mairoula ston Toto:"Tote ela to bradu spiti, den tha einai kaneis."
Paei to bradu spiti ths Mairoulas o Totos, ....... xtupaei thn porta...... perimenei...........
........ kaneis sto spiti .......!!!!!!!!

Enas methysmenos epsahne na vrh kati katw apo mia lamba sto dromo.Enas perastikos ton rwta.
-E esi eki ti psanis
-Psahnw gia ta klidia mou
-Pou ta ehases
-Eki pio pera
-Ma giati psahnis edw
-Gaiti edw ine to fws

Htan dyo methysmenoi mprosta s'ena agalma -Einai o Galileos, leei o enas.
-Mpa kai giati tou esthsan agalma? -Anakalypse oti h gh gyrizei
-A,dikos mas htan ki aytos...!

Se ena trelokomeio o dieythynths apofasise na eksetasei 3 trelous gia na dei an eginan kala kai na tous afhsei na fygoun. Rwtaei ton 1o: 1 1 poso kanei??? Aytos skeftetai ligo kai apantaei: 3000! Kala, leei o dieythynths, allo 1 xrono tha katseis ... Rwtaei ton 2o: 1 1 poso kanei??? Aytos skeftetai ligo kai apantaei: mple! Kala, leei p dieythynths, parte ton gia hlektrosok... Rwtaei kai ton 3o: 1 1 poso kanei??? Aytos xwris na skeftei apantaei: 2!
Kai o dieythynths ekplhktos, mpravo paidi mou kai pws to brhkes ??? Einai aplo, apantaei jana, diairesa to 3000 me to mple!

Taking his seat in his chambers, the judge faced the opposing lawyers. "So," he said, "I have been presented, by both of you, with a bribe." Both lawyers squirmed uncomfortably. "You, attorney Leon, gave me $15,000. And you, attorney Rogers, gave me $10,000."

The judge reached into his pocket and pulled out a check. He handed it to Leon ... "Now then, I'm returning $5,000, and we're going to decide this case solely on its merits."

Is Santa really a Professor? Consider the following:

Santa is obviously a senior faculty member with tenure!

A fellow with a bad cough comes into the pharmacy, walks up to the counter and asks for the pharmacist. A young clerk tells him that the phamacist is not available. The man asks the young clerk if he can recommend anything to stop his coughing.
The clerk gives him abottle of some medicine. The customer takes a big sip, then after few minutes with no apparent relief, he takes another, and another.
In a short while, the pharmacist returns, and sees his old friend, the customer with the cough, sitting quietly in a booth near the coffee counter. He says to his clerk that the fellow has never before stopped at the coffee counter.
The clerk proudly tells the pharmacist the story of his transaction. The pharmacist looks at the recommended medication and angrily reprimands the clerk for recommending a laxative instead of a cough syrup.
The clerk reminds the pharmacist that whatever the mode, the medication is effective as the man is now afraid to cough.

Q: How many internet mail list subscribers does it take to change a light bulb?

A: 678:
1 to change the light bulb and to post to the mail list that the light bulb has been changed
14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.
7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.
27 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs.
156 to write to the list administrator complaining about the light bulb discussion and its inappropriateness to this mail list.
111 to defend the posting to this list saying that we are all use light bulbs and therefore the posts **are** relevant to this mail list.
306 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique, and what brands are faulty.
27 to post URLs where one can see examples of different light bulbs
14 to post that the URLs were posted incorrectly, and to post corrected URLs.
3 to post about links they found from the URLs that are relevant to this list which makes light bulbs relevant to this list.
12 to post to the list that they are unsubscribing because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy.

Two cows are standing in a field, talking to each other. One cow says, "Hey, aren't you worried about getting that mad cow disease everyone is talking about?"
The other cow says, "Why should I? I'm a chicken."

A helicopter pilot is flying to Seattle and hits a pea-soup thick fog bank. He becomes completely disoriented and flies blindly around until he nearly runs into the top few floors of an office building. He recovers in time to avoid crashing and manages to get the attention of the woman sitting at her desk.
"Excuse me!" he yells. "Where am I?"
"You're in a helicopter," she yells back. The pilot pulls off sharply to the left, takes one or two crisp turns through the dense fog and then does a perfect landing at the Seattle-Tacoma Airport.
"That was amazing!" says a passenger. "How did you figure out where you were?"
"Easy," says the pilot. "Her answer, while correct, was absolutely useless. So I immediately knew I was at Microsoft technical support."

There was this world famous painter. In the prime of her career, she started losing her eyesight. Fearful that she might lose her life as a painter, she went to see the best eye surgeon in the world.
After several weeks of delicate surgery and therapy, her eyesight was restored.
The painter was so grateful that she decided to show her gratitude by repainting the doctor's office. Part of her work included painting a gigantic eye on one wall. When she had finished her work, she held a press conference to unveil her latest work of art: the doctor's office.
During the press conference, one reporter noticed the eye on the wall, and asked the doctor, 'What was your first reaction upon seeing your newly painted office, especially that large eye on the wall?'
To this, the eye doctor responded, I said to myself 'Thank God, I'm not a gynecologist.'

Enas EllhnoAmerikanos paei sthn Ellada kai fernei mazi kai to aytokinhto tou. 0elontas na parkarei s'ena polysyxnasto dromo rwtaei ton troxonomo:

-Mporw na parkarw edw?
-Oxi. Apantaei kathgorhmatika o troxonomos.
-Ma, kala, ki oi alloi giati parkaroun, ksanarwtaei o Ellhnoamerikanos.
-Aytoi den rwtane.

Two attorneys took a long safari vacation in the African Bush. One day, needing a rest, they removed their packs and leaned their rifles against a tree. They were startled when a large, hungry-looking lion emerged from the jungle and began eyeing them with anticipation. It was clear that the attorneys' rifles were too far away to do them any good.

Moving slowly, one attorney began to remove his shoes. "Why are you doing that?" asked the other.

"Because I can run faster without them," replied the first.

"I don't care how fast you can run, you'll never outrun a lion!" the second said.

The now-barefoot attorney explained, "I don't have to outrun the lion. I just have to outrun you!"

Juggler, driving to his next performance, was stopped by the police.

'What are those knives doing in your car?' asked the officer.
'I juggle them in my act.'
'Oh yeah?' says the cop. 'Let's see you do it.'

So the juggler starts tossing and juggling the knives.

A guy driving by sees this and says, 'Wow, am I glad I quit drinking. Look at the test they're making you do now!'

General Motors doesn't have a 'help line' for people who don't know how to drive, because people don't buy cars like they buy computers -- but imagine if they did . . .

HELPLINE: 'General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?'
CUSTOMER: 'I got in my car and closed the door, and nothing happened!'
HELPLINE: 'Did you put the key in the ignition slot and turn it?'
CUSTOMER: 'What's an ignition?'
HELPLINE: 'It's a starter motor that draws current from your battery and turns over the engine.'
CUSTOMER: 'Ignition? Motor? Battery? Engine? How come I have to know all of these technical terms just to use my car?'

HELPLINE: 'General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?'
CUSTOMER: 'Hi! I just bought my first car, and I chose your car because it has automatic transmission, cruise control power steering, power brakes, and power door locks.'
HELPLINE: 'Thanks for buying our car. How can I help you?'
CUSTOMER: 'How do I work it?'
HELPLINE: 'Do you know how to drive?'
CUSTOMER: 'Do I know how to what?'
HELPLINE: 'Do you know how to drive?'
CUSTOMER: 'I'm not a technical person! I just want to go places in my car!'

There are two eggs in a frying pan. One egg says "boy, it's hot in here!".
The other egg says "Ah! A talking egg!".

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person asked the young Engineer fresh out of MIT, "And what starting salary were you looking for?" The Engineer said, "In the neighbourhood of $75,000 a year, depending on the benefit package." The HR Person said, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years - say, a red Corvette?" The Engineer sat up straight and said, "Wow!!! Are you kidding?" And the HR Person said, "Certainly, ...but you started it."

Lawyers and MBAs

Three lawyers and three MBAs are traveling by train to a conference.At the station, the three lawyers each buy tickets and watch as the three MBAs buy only a single ticket.

"How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks a lawyer.

"Watch and you'll see," answers an MBA.

They all board the train. The lawyers take their respective seats but all three MBAs cram into a restroom and close the door behind them. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, "Ticket, please."

The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.

The lawyers saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So after the conference, the lawyers decide to copy the MBAs on the return trip and save some money (recognizing the MBAs superior intellect). When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the MBAs don't buy a ticket at all.

"How are you going to travel without a ticket?" says one perplexed lawyer.

"Watch and you'll see," answers an MBA.

When they board the train the three lawyers cram into a restroom and the three MBAs cram into another one nearby. The train departs. Shortly afterward, one of the MBAs leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the lawyers are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, Ticket, please.



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